The Secrets of Happiness...

"Don’t worry...Be happy..."                                 

                                       ~Bobby McFerrin

 

Maybe because it’s summer and people have more time to relax their minds...

 

Perhaps it’s a better economy...

 

Still yet... it could just be a growing trend of feel-good movies and hit songs...

 

But whatever the reason... I noticed recently that people seemed to be fixated on the notion of happiness...

 

...what is it?... and how can I get it?

 

This past week, I’ve talked to no less than three different people who are in the midst of some crisis... be it imagined or real (well to be fair... for them it’s real... so I suppose that’s all that really matters).

 

Each one of these people is on their own quest to somehow find the meaning of life... but more specifically to be happy.

 

Now they seem perfectly happy to me... all of their basic needs are being met... they have ample amounts of food, clothing and shelter. They have good jobs that give them a certain amount of autonomy, directed purpose and a decent paycheck.  They have families and friends who love them... they are able to go on vacations and enjoy plenty of recreational time doing the things that they love to do...

 

In looking at their lives... they appear to be driven and successful... yet they have confided in me that they simple are not happy with their lives...

 

So what’s missing?

 

I don’t pretend to have all of the answers to life... but I know some of the things that make me happy and bring me profound joy...

 

First of all... happiness is not the act of bringing pleasure to oneself...

 

You may feel a certain amount of satisfaction and pleasure while devouring a box of chocolates... or buying a new pair of shoes... or taking that trip to a place that you’ve always dreamed of seeing.

 

If your favorite sports team wins a championship... you might feel elated for a while... but soon another season will begin with only a faint memory of the euphoria that you once felt...

 

Happiness is not something that you can buy... or even rent...

 

For me... true happiness comes from two things..

 

Being Grateful

 

Gratitude is the first key to being truly happy. 

 

I try to start and end each day reflecting on those things that I am truly thankful for.  Some people call this prayer... others call it meditation... others just like to think of it as positive affirmations...

I am truly grateful for so much that I have.

 

I am grateful for the country I live in and for the freedoms that have been legislated and defended for over 240 years... for the educational opportunities that have been afforded to me... for living in San Diego... for my parents... for my wife... for my kids... for my friends... for the safe roads that I drive on... for hot water showers... for clean water... for my job... for my health... for my God-given talents...

 

I am truly grateful for the millions of big and small things that have been bestowed upon me throughout my life...

 

This realization makes me feel good about my life... where I’ve been... where I’m at... and where I still want to go...

 

When there are two ways to look at a situation... I always choose to look at the positive side...

 

For example... when I was growing up... my family was the epitome of the working poor. 

Both my parents worked outside of the home earning a meager wage... we didn’t have a lot of money so we rarely went on vacations, drove new vehicles, or could afford to eat out... I shared a small room with my 3 brothers with two sets of bunk beds and two chest of drawers.

 

If we wanted some spending money to go to a movie or do other things with our friends, we had to go out and earn it ourselves.

 

Now some people might look at my situation and think that it was a bad thing... but I have chosen to take away all of the positives from that experience...

 

It provided me with a strong work ethic, an appreciation for money, and a certain closeness with my siblings. 

 

We didn’t have much... but we had more than we needed... and I am grateful for that... 

 

Being grateful for everything that I have brings me profound joy...

 

Being Connected

 

Although some people might think that we live in a world that looks like a pyramid with a very few on the top and the majority of us at the bottom... this is not really true (unless you’re talking about the distribution of wealth... or book sales... or number of views of all YouTube videos).

The reality is that the world is a network of people each connected to other people.

 

Outside of our relatives, most of the people in our lives are there because we let them in. 

 

We need and want to be connected to others... individuals who are like-minded and those offering us differing perspective... people who challenge us to think and people that we’re comfortable sharing the silence with... friends who love us despite our imperfections... people who are there to share the experiences we call life.

 

I’ve have had the opportunity to travel all over the world.  Often when I tell people that I’ve actually been to 59 countries, they will ask me to tell them which place was my all-time favorite place to visit...

 

My standard answer to that question is this...

 

Every place I’ve traveled to has its own unique beauty... but what really stands out for me is the people I’ve had a chance to meet along the way...

 

Strangers in Paris who helped to provide me with directions in broken English (shattering the stereotype that all Parisians are rude and anti-American)... members of a rugby club I happened to meet in a Sydney pub... a small shop owner I met at an open-air bazaar in Istanbul who took me on a personal tour of the marketplace and then spent the afternoon with me drinking Turkish coffee... or the Peace Corp volunteers I met in Nairobi who described the various good-will projects that they were working on in the villages of the Masai Mara.

 

Remembering these experiences continue to bring me great joy... because I felt connected to the people not the place...

 

True happiness is found with people... and the experiences that we share with one another...

 

We need other people to feel loved...

 

We need other people to feel needed...

 

We need other people to... to play with... to win with... to lose with...

 

We are social creatures... we thrive in the company of others... people bring us happiness...

 

In my life... gratitude and connections are my two "secrets" of true and everlasting happiness...

 

With that said... your mileage may vary...

 

Pharrell Williams - Happy

   

Thank you very  much for your support of OptiFuse.  We are forever grateful that you have allowed us into your life (and a special thanks to Andrews Matthews for his enduring friendship and the use of his cartoon above).

Crash and Burn - Chapter 2...

"Don’t be the person that fell... be the person who got back up again" 
                                                  ~ Jenette Stanley 

It was just a bit over five years ago when I found myself in the trauma center of a local hospital after a bicycle crash that left me with a shattered clavicle, three broken ribs, and a punctured lung.  I ended up spending a week at the hospital with a chest tube in my side and a growing phobia of sneezing... knowing that a sneeze would cause me great pain due to the condition of my ribs.

 

Now fast forward five years to last Saturday. 

 

I was on my typical Saturday ride preparing myself for an upcoming multi-day tour to raise money for the Arthritis Foundation.  I had already completed 70 miles and was on my way to a local taco shop for some lunch before I headed home.

 

As I was looking to my left to observe the traffic, my bike hit a sharp bump in the road, jarring my hands away from the handlebars, and sending me crashing to the pavement in the blink of an eye.

 

The next thing I knew... I was lying on my back looking into the noonday sun...

 

After a brief moment, the sunlight was suddenly blocked by a crowd of three riders standing over me.

 

The strangers began to ask me questions...

 

"Are you okay?"

 

"Do you know your name?"

 

"Can you move your feet?"

 

To which I answered them all in the affirmative.

 

I rolled to my side and then sat up... sitting on the curb while I took stock of the situation and my wounds.

 

My right knee, elbow, shoulder, fingers, and hips were all badly scraped.  I pressed against my ribs and my collar bone but felt no pain at all... so I was already in a better condition than the last time I fell, I thought to myself. 

 

There didn’t seem to be any broken bones this time... so probably no trip to the hospital for me...

 

My new friends collected my bike and other items that had broken free... such as my water bottle and bike GPS... and placed them on the side of the road.

 

I took out my smartphone from a pocket on the back of my torn jersey and was pleasantly surprised that the screen wasn’t cracked due to the impact.  I tried calling my wife and several other friends I knew... but only connected to their collective voice mails.

 

Two of the riders who stopped, offered to take me home... explaining that their van was only a few miles away... and that I should remain there until they returned. 

 

I agreed and waited along the side of the road...

 

As I sat there waiting I had several thoughts that I wanted to share with you today...

 

Safety First

 

As the riders rode back toward their van, I removed my cycling helmet.  My helmet was easily the most expensive piece of apparel that I regularly wore... with a retail price of about $250.

 

Cycling helmets today are typically made from lightweight Styrofoam with a coated enameled outer shell and nylon chin strap.

 

When I crashed, I was going downhill at a rate of speed approaching 30 miles per hour.

 

I looked down at my helmet and could see that my head had actually slammed against the pavement... I know this because the helmet was destroyed... the Styrofoam broken and the outer shell cracked and scratched. 

My Shattered Helmet

This is now the second time where wearing a good helmet saved my life.  There is no doubt of this in my mind.

 

As I sat there on the side of the road... several people on bikes came riding by... I counted four people who rode by me without wearing any protective head wear at all... all going downhill at a rapid rate of speed.

 

In the sport of bicycling we have a special name for riders who refuse to wear a helmet... they are called "organ donors".

 

If you, a friend, or a loved one are planning to ride a bike (no matter how far) ... please... please... please... always wear a helmet!!    

 

Good Samaritans 

 

I don’t know what it is about cyclists but I’ve rarely met one who isn’t ready to help a fellow rider when they see someone stranded on the side of the road.

 

To begin with... there were my "first responders"... Ben and James (as I would later learn their names)... those riders that I didn’t previously know, but who were willing to abandon their own ride to help me.  They sped off to their van to rescue me from the side of the road and take me home.

 

In addition to Ben and James, no fewer than 10 other riders stopped after seeing me on the side of the road to offer some kind of assistance while I was waiting... offering to lend me their phone... some water... or some nourishment...

 

Now I’m quite sure that there are plenty of good Samaritans who have stopped to help others in need... be it in a car, boat or bike... but on that particular day it was cyclists helping cyclists... a fraternity that I am proud to belong to.

 

As I sat there waiting... I thought about the goodness of humanity and all the kindness that people offer to strangers who have nothing but a perceived need...

 

Soon Ben and James were back with the van.  They loaded up my bike and took me home (about 15 miles away).

 

After returning home, I offered to buy them some gas... to which they wholeheartedly refused... telling me that I now had an obligation to help someone else who might find themselves in a similar circumstance.

 

They reached out their hands toward mine and replied, "Just pay it forward".

 

Down... But Not Out

 

In the end... all I ended up with was a few scrapes and bruises... a mere pittance of punishment for such a crash...

 

As I related my crash story to several friends, associates, clients, and family members... the question often came up as to why I continue to take undue risks by cycling.

 

My crashes reminded me about the old joke... "what do you say to a man with two black eyes?... nothing... you’ve already told him twice"...

 

Maybe God is trying to tell me something... and I have two black eyes to prove it...

 

The thing is... bad things can happen to us whether we are out riding our bicycle... walking on the golf course... or sitting at home watching TV (an acquaintance of mine recently had a heart attack while watching TV and nearly died).

 

Life has a way of knocking us down every so often... regardless of how careful we are or how many times we’ve traveled the same stretch of highway... it’s just a small bump in the road that jars our hands away from the handlebars and sends us to the pavement... looking up at the sun while seeing stars...

 

It’s at this point where we need to muster the strength and courage to get back on the bike and start peddling again... with the knowledge that tomorrow is another day... with new challenges and new unforeseen obstacles...

 

We continue to ride because there is still life in us and mostly because we can...

 

Thank you very  much for your support of OptiFuse.  We know that there are always bumps in the road... and we want to be there to help you back up.

Choosing Wisely...

"Life is always changing... growth, however, is optional... choose wisely"
                                                        ~Unknown

 

I recently found myself on a coast-to-coast airplane flight.  With having nothing to read, I decided to watch an old movie playing on my seat-back TV, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  

 

At the end of the movie, Indiana Jones finds himself in a room with about 50 cups (Grail) on a table and he is told that one of the cups brings everlasting life whereas the other cups bring instant death.

 

"Choose wisely", said the guardian knight.
 

Having already watched one person die from drinking from the wrong cup on the advice from a trusted scholar, Indiana weighs what he personally knows of history and somehow manages to select the right cup to drink from...

 

Aah... Hollywood at its best...

 

After the movie was over, I began to replay the scene in my head... what would I have done in a similar situation with life and death on the line based on a single decision that needed to be made instantaneously.

 

Could I have made such a choice... especially with so many different options available to me?

 

Several years ago I was having lunch with a close friend of mine who is very successful financially.  My friend at the time was probably worth several tens of millions of dollars despite having started with almost no money some 20 years beforehand.

 

During our conversation, I asked him a simple question:  "You appear to have more money than you can ever spend in your lifetime... why do you keep working so hard?"

 

He responded with one word... "choices"...

 

He understood that when you had wealth, your choices were virtually unlimited.  You could go where you want... do what you want... and buy whatever you want.

 

I went away that day believing that my friend had stumbled upon a great formula of happiness...

 

Wealth = More Choices = Happiness

 

For many years thereafter I’ve given that formula great thought and have subsequently determined that the above formula is completely wrong... especially in today’s world.

 

More choices doesn’t ensure happiness... it just cause more confusion.

 

40 years ago... there were only 4 national TV channels that typically broadcast shows about 18 hours a day... ABC, CBS, NBC, and PBS (plus perhaps a local TV station or two if you happened to be in a big media market).  All of your news and programming came via one of those four stations. 

 

Today there are literally a 1000 stations broadcasting coast-to-coast via cable or satellite.  Add to that number, programming now available via internet providers such as Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon.  Add to that... the tens of millions of professional and amateur videos available on YouTube, Vimeo, and now Yahoo... all broadcasting 24 hours a day... 7 days a week...

 

Are more choices better or just more befuddling?...

In fact... even with all those choices... 83% of all television viewers still limit themselves to only 15 channels... because this is what they know and that they feel comfortable with.

 

As a society, we have never had more choices available to us than today. 
 

The problem as I see it however is that we have too many choices...

 

Having too many choices is not a good thing... it can cause anxiety, guilt / remorse, and inadequacy among the population.

 

We are constantly being asked to make decisions based on far too many options for our brains to regularly process.

 

We are spending more and more of our time doing research trying to avoid the possibility of being wrong or choosing a less-than-optimal option.

 

We have become a society that is deathly afraid of being wrong or making a bad choice. 

 

In order to minimize the risks we now rely on reviews and opinions of others before making our decisions.  If someone else recommends it, then it can’t be all wrong.

 

We are intent in eliminating all risk... which is silly... because this simply can’t be done... there is inherent risk in everything we do or don’t do.

 

We are in the process of decoding the genome... mapping our brains... trying to understand what exactly makes us do what it is that we do and what makes us tick.

 

We do this because the idea of randomness is bad... whereas predictability is good...

 

We want to know, in advance, what the future holds for us... but what would happen if we actually knew for certain what was going to happen?

 

I suppose that we have the technology... why shouldn’t we take full advantage of it?

 

But in reality, do any of us really want to know the exact day when we will exit this earth?  Wouldn’t this cause us an incredible amount of stress actually knowing this information?

 

Yet there are thousands of people who have sent samples of their DNA to a laboratory to screen for potentially harmful diseases and conditions.

 

Are we to believe that those people who are aware of their DNA results live a happier life or perhaps are they bringing undue stress into their lives?

Are these people foregoing the present and trying to live their lives in the future?

 

In an ironic twist... the stress of knowing all of the probabilities of our final demise is more likely to kill us faster than the actual diseases themselves.

 

Some people actually thrive on ignorance.  They are the live-and-let-live types who like to live in the present and not in the future.  These people believe in trying new things, not because their Facebook friends told them to try it, but because they happened upon the opportunity.

 

To them... life is about living... taking the good with the bad... not spending all of their energies trying to avoid potential pitfalls.

 

My wife and I often do this in a small way.  

 

When traveling, we will walk through a city and take a chance on a restaurant that looks cute from the curb... we might go see a play without first reading a review... or buy a piece of art from a local artist because we like it... not because we think that someday the painting might have some financial value...

 

It takes a certain amount of courage to take a chance... because by taking any risk... it is quite possible that we’ll be exposed as possibly being wrong...

 

We have all seen those National Geographic shows where straying too far from the safety of the herd means danger... we can’t possibly be one of those people... risk takers... gamblers...

 

Taking a bit of risk makes the heart beat a little faster... it gives us a thrill knowing that we’re actually alive... and that living a fully enriched life is worth the risk...

 

So when given the opportunity to try something new... take the risk... be bold... be adventurous... and live a little... don’t wait for permission... just do it...

 

The small risk is worth the potential reward...
 

Thank you for your support of OptiFuse where we encourage others to try something new every now and then.